COMMENTARY: It's time to change child custody laws in Oklahoma

One of the fundamental tenants of our government is that all men — that is, people — are created equal.

Each has the same claim in the eyes of justice; we all start at the same spot and each person is entitled to a fair hearing and a redress of grievances.

That’s the way life in the USA is supposed to work; granted it doesn’t happen all the time.

But that’s the goal.

Except here in Oklahoma.

Here in the Sooner State in cases of divorce and child custody, there is no equality.

Here there is no balance.

Here, men get the shaft.

While you’ll hear denial after denial, the fact remains that Oklahoma’s child custody laws — and a majority of the judges who enforce them and the attorneys who abuse them — are slanted toward the mother.

Decades ago the concept was known as the “Tender Years” doctrine. And while some will try to convince you this doctrine is a thing of the past, don’t believe them. It’s alive and well.

Men, fathers, don’t get a fair hearing in child custody and divorce cases.

And it’s time for a change.

Because divorce is often such an acrimonious issue, the courts — and those who profess to be attorneys — should do everything possible to remove the emotion from the issue.

Instead of trying to decide what’s best for the child; children are used as pawns and often, access to children is a weapon used by an angry mom against a struggling father.

I say we even things up. I say we change our laws like this:

• Unless there is documentation of abuse, neglect or violence, both parents should go into a custody hearing with the presumption of joint physical custody. This means the child should have equal time (yes, 50/50) between each parent.

That should be the presumption from day one, unless there is factual evidence of abuse against one parent.

• In cases where both parents are presumed to be qualified and caring, child support from one ex-parent to another should be eliminated.

Now, before you start sending me hate mail, hear me out: Instead of paying child support to an ex-spouse (where you don’t know if it will, in fact, ever be used for the child) both parents — under such a joint custody arrangement — should pay into a state-overseen trust for the benefit of the child.

Seriously, good parents are going to feed, cloth and nurture their children. They will buy school supplies and take them to the doctor when needed. And there’s no reason for one parent to be forced to pay another when both are caring for the children.

Requiring child support — instead of access to the child — is stupid and the cause of extended tension, trauma and repeat visits to the judicial system.

Instead, by paying into a trust, the child would have financial resources say, for college, or the purchase of a home, when the child reaches legal age.

• Eliminate the moronic notation of “visitation.”

For several years now, Oklahoma has funded a marriage initiative designed to keep families together and make them stronger. One of the components of this initiative is getting more fathers actively involved in their children’s lives.

And this is a good thing.

Study after study has show that when a child has a farther involved in their upbringing, that child will do better in school, is at less risk for abuse and neglect, and is far more likely to grow up normal and well adjusted.

But not in Oklahoma.

Here, when parents divorce, it’s usually the father who is stuck with “visitation and paying child support.”

If you ask most fathers — those who are involved in their children’s lives — they will tell you they want to spent time with their kids.

And you can’t raise a child on visitation.

Often, ex-spouses, angry for some other perceived issue, use the child as a tool to “get back” at their ex. It happens all the time and, in the end, it’s not the spouses that suffer — it’s the children.

State lawmakers, judges, and members of the legal profession should hang their heads in shame over the way they have legislated, interpreted and abused Oklahoma fathers and their children.

• Move divorce and custody issues out of district court to a special Family Court.

It’s worked for Drug Court, it would work for divorce cases. Instead of elected judges, the family court should be composed of a three-member panel of specially-trained judges who, from the beginning, put the child’s interest first and who work to make sure that both parents are actively engaged in that child’s life.

Until Oklahoma takes steps to help put displaced fathers back into their children’s lives our divorce, poverty and crime rates will continue to climb.

A dad is a necessary — and vital — part of the family equation.

And it’s time for state leaders to recognize that fact.